This weekend I rushed a HUGE decision and I ultimately made the wrong choice. It all happened so fast that I can't even remember why I made that decision in the first place.
So I feel like an idiot. A bad person. A child. I don't feel like myself.
It all happened so quickly -- the poor decision, the realization, and the "solution." I know in the end that I made the right choice to fix my mistakes. It was the right choice for everyone involved. But that doesn't mean that I'm not hurting. That I won't carry it with me forever.
I'm not perfect, and I usually take the long way to figure things out. But I'm sincerely sorry if I've disappointed people along the way. And I'm sorry that I ALWAYS make decisions too quickly, and I'm sorry that sometimes I need help picking up the pieces to all the things I've broken.
Although the last few days were disastrous in many ways, I can say that I've learned things about myself, my life, my relationships.
But maybe that's selfish --- looking for a lesson in so much chaos --- in chaos that I created myself. But it's all I can do at this point.
So, I'm sorry.
It's over now, but I'll carry that sadness and that frustration forever.
But right now, it's time for change.
I'm going to slow down, I'm going to reevaluate my life and my priorities. I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to be a stronger person. And I'm not going to be so immature. It's time.