Sunday, December 06, 2015

Falling in Love All Over Again

In 2010, I fell in love for the first time.
Of course, I didn't realize it for the longest time. He was the one who said "I love you" first, way too soon in my opinion, but somehow it didn't scare me away. In fact, it just made me think about it all even more. 

I visit my old blog all the time: to reminisce, reflect on my past, and to find writing inspiration. I found this blog post I wrote when I first realized I was in love. (Because as a writer, I took to writing about my feelings before realizing they were real....and then later expressing them to the person who needed to hear them the most.)

In the post, I couldn't figure out how love even happens. 

"Basically, how the hell can two people fall in love with EACH OTHER at the same time? How can two people, just two people out of all the people in the world care for each other and dub the other the right one, when they haven't met all the other people in the world? When everything could change tomorrow? How could these two find each other and be content with just the other?"

To be fair, I still think these are legitimate questions. Especially when being asked by a 19-year-old.

By the end of the post however, I start to realize that maybe it is possible, and it can happen. (A.K.A. the cynic in me starts to believe that even I can enjoy this luxury called love.)

But then when I went all in, and I allowed myself to be in love and truly enjoy that relationship, it clicked. 

"I've found that two people can be with each other and REALLY, truly be content. It's like your own little world, or rather, you're living out your own inside joke every single day. Even on the bad days, it's still yours and yours alone. And you wouldn't trade it for the world."

It's funny how I defined love as "your own little world" more than five years ago, and to this day I'm still experiencing that exact feeling... with that exact same person. It was one time that I left my comfort zone (and carefully gave someone trust, something I don't typically do,) and it happened to pay out. 

Sure, it never came easy, and it didn't work out every minute of every day, but it worked out in the end. And all the tough stuff in the middle made the happy outcome taste even sweeter.

Now more than ever, our love is our own little inside joke. Now more than ever, we are best friends. We've just started to build the foundation of our life together, and I wouldn't want anyone else by my side. 

I realize there's a long way to go and a lot of trials and tough times ahead, but I know that we can get through it together. 

He reminded me of that just yesterday, when he helped me through a difficult time. Those moments really show me that together, we've done something right. Even if the rest of the world doesn't know about those things, it doesn't matter. Because we know, and we know we can get through it together.

I think I'm falling in love all over again. Those 19-year-old Jessi posts about love resonate with me just as much now as they did then. Maybe it's the newlywed glow I have. Or maybe it's starting to sink in (all over again) that I have so much to be appreciative of. 

(And, some things never change... This morning I took to writing about my feelings first to sort them out...but this time around he knows he's very loved. There's no doubt about that.)

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