Sometimes I only have a few dollars to my name.
It's frightening. I see my bank account dwindling and dwindling as each bill gets paid, and I wonder how it's possible to always break even. The anxiety that forms from this situation actually keeps me up at night sometimes. But I'm only 24 years old, so I have this hope inside that things will work out. Maybe just not today.
My fiance just started a good job, which should help. Between the two of us we manage to pay bills, keep food in our bellies and take care of our cats. But when you're trying to do more, like save for a wedding, it's downright depressing. It's hard to have hopes and goals when every few weeks you figuratively take out a hammer and break the jar where you've been storing your savings. Car trouble? Smash. Paycheck showed up late? Smash.
Luckily, I live with someone who I consider my rock. He is the one who keeps me sane; I wonder what corner I'd be sitting in, crying, if it wasn't for him. He reminds me that this, like most things, is only temporary. We'll get back on our feet. We are young and there is still so much more in store for us. That means a lot. That glimmer of hope keeps us moving on: working hard, cashing paychecks and sitting tight until we're in a better spot.
In the meantime I look at wedding ideas but the concept is bittersweet. It's difficult when someone asks how wedding planning is going when you can't even realistically tell which year you'll be able to afford it, let alone which date. And it's not as if we want anything extravagant; it's just that things add up.
But once again, it all comes back to my rock. I am lucky to wait it out by his side. We may have tough times now, but he's the one I'd want to have them with. We may have not always had things handed to us and we may not have the best of luck, but we are appreciate people and hard workers. That's something that will never change and that's why this relationship will thrive and survive. I hold him a little tighter knowing that it'll all work out somehow. I truly believe that if you work hard and treat people right, life will do good on you. So for now we just keep pushing on and we'll see what happens.