Thursday, March 12, 2015

No longer a Wannabe?

I created a little blog in 2009. Although it had a variety of names, I'd say it was at its peak under the name The Musings of a Wannabe Star

I was a young college student when I started that blog and I really did want to be a star. Now, at 24 years old, I don't think I'd want to be a star, but I do want the good feelings associated with it.

It may sound silly, but I feel like I've already become this reserved homebody, even though I'm still very young. I don't think I've settled, but rather my life has settled. I look forward to coming home for dinner, a TV show and bed. I live for weekends spent curled up on the couch with my cats.

I'm settled. And I'm the happiest I've ever been. Or am I?

Sometimes I do wonder if there's something I'm missing. At my age I'm a college dropout, if you want to put a label on it. It doesn't sound like the most exciting lifestyle. I wonder what it would be like to be on the other side: Going out to the bars to meet people, working as a journalist again. I think it could have been an interesting life, but I also know it's not the one I was cut out for. I didn't enjoy that.

The idea of being a star kind of frightens me now, but what am I? I have this fear of not accomplishing enough. Yes, I enjoy my work and my family and my life, but I'm craving something more. I'm afraid I won't leave any stamp on the world; there will be no mark for people to know I was here. 

I've even found that it's a struggle to figure out what to write about because I'm not trying new things. I'm not having fascinating new experiences. I'm just living life. Is it wrong to feel like I'm not accomplishing enough on paper? That I may just be forgotten about?

1 comment:

  1. Okay listen up, you are leaving your mark on the world. Perhaps not the way you thought you would as a teenager and your dream job wasnt for you. It happens.
    Your writing is your legacy, it gives people an insight into what you have to say. You will find things to write about and inspiration will strike you when you least expect it.
    All my life I have wanted to be an author, well I football player first (I refuse to call it soccer lol) but I wasn't good enough. That fear of failure has with my writing ever since. That fear of rejection for.something that I love doing.
    So I blog, if people.don't like it they won't read it, but I know read it and like it so I keep going.
    It's my voice, my outlet to the world, the way I can leave my mark on it.
    You are doing the same thing you just don't realise it yet.
    Sorry for long post I'm just glad your blogging again.